Cult Pens Bangin' Christmas Crackers

What do you normally get in a Christmas cracker? A joke that either nobody gets or is stupidly funny ('What do you call an old snowman? Water'). A plastic frog or a miniature set of skittles. And a paper hat that never seems to fit anybody's head. You're either relying on your ears to stick out enough to prop it up, or tearing a discreet rip in the side to enable it to encompass your Christmas 'do.

Anyway, we must be crackers (sorry!) but this year you can get yours from Cult Pens, and they'll contain something better than a fish-shaped strip of cellophane that's supposed to tell you your fortune, that's for sure! They're bangin' because they really do go BANG (we've tested them), and which is why we can only despatch to UK addresses. So... what's in 'em? Well...

You've a choice of two styles: Japanese-inspired festively-wrapped ones that contain bits and pieces from the Land of the Rising Sun; and simple, Kraft paper-covered crackers containing odds and sods from Europe. And this is what you might find inside:

JAPANESE

Every time you click the push button on this retractable ballpoint, an internal piston pressurises the refill so you can write upside down if you feel so inclined. It's a short chunk of a pen with a meaty pocket clip and a loop for attaching to a lanyard. A high scorer on the 'fiddle factor' scale.

Tiny paper clips in tiny matchbox-style packaging.

Liven up anything - journal or diary pages, notebook covers, smartphone cases - with a sticker or two.

The impatient person's decorative aid. It's low-tack, so it peels off easily. You can cut it or tear it - it's up to you. It's a bit fancier than a piece of sellotape. And you can write on it if you need to.

A highlighter that sits in your hand like a proper pen, and is a better fit for your pencil case. And you can refill it!

Great for quick notes for the planners, emergency business cards for the terrifyingly efficient and reminders for the forgetful.

A very wee notebook for the smallest of pockets and the most frivolous of handbags.

EUROPE

White barrel, ink colour-coded pocket clip. Proudly made in Switzerland.

Get those sunglasses out - this highlighter is super-bright!

Thin pencil? Normal pencil? Chunky pencil? All styles catered for with this German-engineered canister.

Is it a pencil? Is it a crayon? Yes, it's both! Will it write on lots of surfaces? Yes. But beware your newly-papered sitting room wall.

Use it on its own - it doesn't take up much room - or link it to another Link-It (like the one below) to make a mini multipen.

See above!

No lemon this, though it is sweet 'n' sour. Nice comfy rubberised grip and refillable with standard ink cartridges you can get pretty much anywhere (we have a lot here, obviously).

It's square-profiled instead of the usual hexagon or cylinder. Its pocket clip ensures that it slides onto the side of your notebook instead of the top. And it's black, so it goes with anything, dahling.

1 September 2022